If there’s one sure thing about consultants, its our love for acronyms and stupid phrases. Getting Drunk in First Class has enough phrases and acronyms to make your head spin for years. If that’s not enough for you, we even built a bullshit generator.
Acronyms
Over the years as a consultant we’ve amassed an extremely large amount of acronyms that many people don’t understand. Getting Drunk in First Class is going to attempt to plow through all of these phrases and put some definitions behind them.
Throw around acronyms like there’s no tomorrow
Phrases
Don’t even get us started on phrases. Consultants are notorious for coming up with new phrases. Hey, we’re not cheap; we have to sound smart somehow!
Learn what you have to sound like to bill out $400 an hour
Bullshit Generator
As if our editorial bullshit wasn’t enough for you Getting Drunk in First Class created the Bullshit Generator, a dynamic AJAX-enabled online distributed application architecture framework that was architected to maximize verbose consultation linguistic capabilities.
FC_Consultant Says:
March 9th, 2007 at 9:01 amVisit FC_Consultant
Here is some “consultantese” in action for you from an actual contract. BTW - The contract value is not to exceed $1MM
STATEMENT OF WORK
TITLE: Transparency Initiative Support for Collaborative Relations Efforts
PURPOSE: The purpose of this task order is to provide policy analysis and assessment, and support for the transparency initiative efforts to support existing collaboratives and promote the establishment of additional collaboratives
SCOPE OF WORK:
The contractor will cultivate relationships with and facilitate communications between nascent pilots and existing networks.
The contractor will update the project plan database regularly with any tasks that have been reported to them as completed. added to the project plan, revised in the project plans and/or updated in the project plan. The contractor will also meet at least weekly with the Project Officer and other staff as needed to review collaborative relations efforts and ensure quick transparency ten learning from successes/challenges of pilot site so plans can be modified. As necessary, to maintain momentum consistent with the proliferation and development of collaboratives, the contractor will support transparency team efforts to ensure that the following processes are occurring;
Communication/Cross-Pollination among collaboratives
(a) Support rapid sharing of knowledge, learning, and best practices across current and future collaboratives;
Harmonization
(b) Ensure that collaboratives identify a common set of quality and cost metrics to be applied across alt care settings;
(c) Help support the work involved with encouraging collaboratives to identify options for expanding the scope of measures to be implemented across current and figure collaboratives, including methods for price transparency and measures that span care settings;
Nurturing/Chattering
(d) Help support the work involved with encouraging collaboratives to develop of implement effective strategies for nurturing future collaboratives, including support for cross-collaborative mentoring, the development of a tool kit to assist the rapid development of future collaboratives, a process for “chartering”, and the identification of immediate, mid-term and long-term potential collaborative sites.