As is almost self-evident by now, it is clear that I am the biggest dickhead on this blog (I mean, really, the name says it all). So, after flying home the other night, I of course was in first class being a dickhead (as usual). As expected, I was getting quite tossed in my cushy seat for about 4 hours straight. Now, its possible to do quite a bit of damage to yourself in 4 hours when the booze runs high and free. I have found that you can certainly speed the process by ordering a cocktail drink in addition to a glass of wine. I haven’t actually tested how many simultaneous drinks the flight attendants will allow you to have but that will surely be a different experiment. Really, the whole one-drink-at-a-time thing might not apply for people who are 37,000 feet in the air and moving at 500 MPH.
After getting thoroughly shit-faced, I began to feel quite warm and even getting the little sick feeling. Time to cut back; I needed to be able to get my overhead roll-on, stumble gracefully off the plane, and make a phone call to a fellow consultant.
After a blurry swarry through the terminal and reaching a cab, I dialed the number and left a message like so, something to the effect of the following transcript:
“Heyyy.yy…. man… its total dickhead. I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you… heh..hehe… as I was sitting in first class on my way back and getting completely tosssss..eeed… while you were sittin’ yo sorry ass in economy plus, ya fuckin’ loser, just like all the other sheep shleppin’ their shit across the gooo..ddd…damnnned country. Suck it… biiiiiaatch!”