When most people here the words “Booze Cruise” images of spring break seem to come back, but when you say it to a consultant, images of getting upgaded to first class on the way back from the client site probably come to mind.
Ah yes, the booze cruise. There’s nothing quite like it. You’re done working for the week and ready as hell to start the weekend. This, of course, results in a massive consumption of alcohol on the airplane. It might sound easy, but its possible that you could fall into the following pit holes like I did.
- Don’t eat the food - Unforatuately this is easier said then done after the fifth gin & tonic. I had a choice between the walnut encrusted chicken or the stuffed shells. By this time I was pretty slammed, but I knew to go with the safer bet, “How can you fuck up stuffed shells?,” I thought to myself. When the shells arrived I pratically inhaled the damn things. I was drunk enough at the time to think the shells were a decent bite to eat. The next morning; however, I paid the price. My stomach was pissed off at me for all the punishment and decided to give me a nice case of the shits. I ended up in the office running back and forth betwen the bathroom the entire day. Those SkyChefs could fuck up a batch of cherry flavored Jello with a side of saltine crackers.
- Don’t sit by the Accidenture Consultant - Imagine being stuck on a long-haul flight sitting next to an accidenture consultant who just won’t shut up. This is precisely what happened to me, and I was sitting in a window seat so there was no escaping. I’ll admit, we did have some good conversation, but I find it unecessary to talk throughout the entire flight. I’m pretty sure there is some unwritten rule somewhere that states, “Though shall shut the fuck up during thy long-haul flight”.
- Be demanding & firm - I couldn’t believe how these flight attendants just bumble fuck around the airplane and don’t bring me drinks. What could they possibly be doing? For shits sake, there are six flight attendants on the plane, how long does it take to mix a gin & tonic for a fellow first class passenger? I was being way to nice to the fligh attendants; next time I’ll be more firm and upfront with them. “Umm excuse me flight attendant, but where is that fucking drink I asked for 30 minutes ago?” Maybe next time I’ll just wear a T-shirt that says “If it looks empty, top it off bitch”.
So there you have it, just a few tips that will help you the next time you find yourself on a booze cruise. When you’re pounding down those gin & tonics in the first class cabin, drink one for me. Cheers!