Getting Drunk in First Class

As a dickhead consultant, you cannot fully participate in a meeting unless you do what by nature has defined you to do: Act like you own the fucking place. The following is a summary of all required behavior for you in a meeting, whether with clients and/or other fellow dickheads/consultants.
Here are the following things a [...]

It all started as I was getting ready to head to the wine bar to enjoy a $300 bottle of wine and some Cuban cigars when a text message arrives informing me that:
Your flight United 124 has been canceled. Please call United Reservations.
“Fuck!”
After talking to my friends at the United Premier call center, I find [...]

Travel is nothing new for the TD consultant. First-class upgrades, cross-continental day-trips and last-minute full-fare flights; it’s all in a day’s work. But there are some TD travel stories that are so incredible that they simply need to be told. Hence, we give you the first in what we hope will be [...]

“The Managing Partner would like to see you now.” Ah, you think to yourself, I have to relegate myself up to the 95th floor to pay a visit to the managing partner. I wonder exactly what he wants or why he wants to see me. Reminds me of a scene from Intolerable Cruelty where Goerge [...]

The folks at Getting Drunk in First Class are always hard at work, this time slaving away for countless hours to bring to you the webs first AJAX, Web 2.0, BSML-enabled, mashable bullshit generator! In case our bullshit just doesn’t cut it, you can create your own bullshit. Fuck yeah! Just create a BSML (Bullshit [...]

Ode to the joys of roll-off parties. Any TD knows there are a number of things to consider when mind-mapping up grandiose thoughts of these wonderful money-is-no-object events:

Large engagements allow for a great many roll-off (and often roll-on) parties. One of the most important aspects of a roll-off party is getting it pre-approved. This is [...]

Drinking, gloating, strippers… these are some things that you might associate with total dicks you see sitting in first class; but the ultimate total dick is something much more benign; the first class toddler.

After you paid $10,000 for that first class lie-flat seating with unlimited booze, to your dismay you got stuck right next to [...]

It is every TD’s dream to be in the good graces of a partner (or be the partner himself) that likes to take the younger consultants out for Happy Hours. These so-called ‘Happy Hours’ have many different variations, not the least of which is your typical drunken brouhaha in a dark pub set below street [...]

You know them. Almost every airport has them. The same moving walkways that transform people for the morning in the Jetson’s are used to mobilize you to a brisk pace throughout an airport terminal. Of course, at the end of every walkway is the mechanized or recorded voice that tells you to wake up before [...]

If you haven’t seen it already; this is a classic depiction of how a project usually works for consultants.