You know them. Almost every airport has them. The same moving walkways that transform people for the morning in the Jetson’s are used to mobilize you to a brisk pace throughout an airport terminal. Of course, at the end of every walkway is the mechanized or recorded voice that tells you to wake up before you trip all over yourself in utter embarassment.
I like the moving walkways especially for the petty mayhem you can create on them. One of my favorite past times are rolling carry-on wheels ‘mistakenly’ over the toes of senior folk who decide they would rather ’stand’ than walk on the moving walkway. “Oh, I’m sorry. Tee hee!” and continue walking is my usual theatrical snub. I generally mutter some, “Loser non-status people” saying under my breath to make sure I remind myself of how much better and more important I am to the airlines than these assholes. Another past time is walking obtrusively quick behind someone, almost on their heels, to the point where they feel slightly nervous but not completely invaded and they turn their head slightly as if they’re going to run into something that is coming up from behind them; Silly people. Hurry the fuck up already.
And what is the real point with these ridiculously expensive, waste-of-money moving walkways, anyways? To avoid ‘running’ in the airport and looking invariably ridiculous while doing so? Is that it really? I mean, c’mon. Or is to break over the slow pace with which it often requires to walk excruciating and unnecessarily long hallways?
Shit, I’ll never know, but I don’t care, so long as I can keep running over old people’s toes.