Getting Drunk in First Class

Ode to the joys of roll-off parties. Any TD knows there are a number of things to consider when mind-mapping up grandiose thoughts of these wonderful money-is-no-object events:

Large engagements allow for a great many roll-off (and often roll-on) parties. One of the most important aspects of a roll-off party is getting it pre-approved. This is where your partner sponsor comes in handy. Any TD will recommend a Happy Hour partner (see here) as a good possible start in finding an approver for these. However, your seasoned TD will either a) already be a TD partner and can thus self-approve or b) can get anything through the expense system so it won’t even matter. On a side note, you’re a pro-TD if you can push newly purchased cars through the expense system. Pushing your new home through the system is only for the truly daring. It’s like climbing Mt. Everest: Leave it to the professionals.

Secondly, the roll-off party needs to have some kick-ass meal involved. I ain’t talking your TGI Friday’s or Applebee’s or some such chain shit, I’m talking your world-class restaurants with your finest chefs, white table cloth, business casual minimum (jackets recommended) type places.

As you can see from this photo, it is clear that some serious rolling-off action is about to occur, not to mention a few dents in the corporate expense account. Of course, a TD can organize and host such a fine and well-endowed event with the elegance of a Donald Trump.

Thirdly, your larger engagements allow for crashing other roll-off parties, even for which you have nothing to do with the individual(s) rolling off. This is both acceptable (and expected) behavior. I don’t know you from Adam but sure, have a seat, I mean just look at my some-40 chairs set up in the photo above. Fuck, you don’t even work for the firm? Ah shit, take a seat; Have some drinks.

Fourthly, any good roll-off/on party needs a fat bar tab afterwards. This is when the TD ushers out the whimps and they escape back to the safety of their Heavenly Beds at the W and everyone jumps in the limousine and proceeds to the posh bar of choice. Your last few images of the night will probably be some blurry variation of the following photo.

Of course, a real TD will probably have more blurry images that might look something like this:

So, remember, as a TD and in the fine tradition and respect of roll-off/on parties, please remember to make it a memorable event. All you have to do is just think of the glory of those beautiful credit card points you’ll be getting just by getting fat and drunk. Now that’s getting drunk in first class (and being a TD, naturally).