Yep, the words straight out of a consultant’s mouth. You may not have heard this one before but frankly, it is an eye-opener. What it means is going around to the client executives and client engagement sponsors and touting how much ‘value’ they are getting from all the work that the consulting firm has done for them. Yes, you heard me right: They are equating value and volume of work to the client. Nevermind actually measuring real business results (but hey, as a total dickhead, who the hell needs those anyways? Now fill my grey goose martini up again, shake ‘er good, up to the brim; that’s what its really all about, right?).
Honestly, though, how many consulting firms do you know include post-project (say, a year or two after the project is delivered) analysis to actually learn whether the work done did anything at all? It is amazing to me how companies often will spend millions on some new strategy analysis or maybe some technology project but they barely ever come to grips with the true, actual value that the work brought to the company at all (the best is when the work seems to be completely forgotten about 6 months after its complete). And I mean this not from the executives’ perspective of just a simple “oh well now that piece of our business is so much easier!” Easy doesn’t mean it has actually saved time, money, overhead (on the bottom line), or increased sales, grown profit margins (on the top line). Instead, the simple illusion that they received something of value is all it takes. In this slimy grandeur is the slick consultant who assesses his vulnerable prey for their gullibility to equate his volume of work to value. Any real business owner would know that simple volume of work doesn’t mean squat. If it doesn’t actually help the business run better (e.g. reduce costs or sell more), then it didn’t do its job. Now, of course, the real magic comes in for projects that deal with intangible value. The TDs are the ones that sell this type of work best. It might include such voluptuous service names like “Talent Management” or “Information Architecture” but quantifying the value of a better version of any of those two things (if you can even really define them in the first place) is extremely difficult to do well, if at all.
Therein lies the biggest kicker of all: Companies are so focused on ROI and conjuring up metrics and they’re always concerned about the value of doing anything (such as hiring a total dickhead consultant) that when they finally do make up their minds to proceed down a path, they lose sight somewhere about half-way through. They just stop measuring and when the work is complete, it sure looks good, it seems to work, and it seems to be exciting, but what did it really do? Did it really save us money? Are we really able to staff less people and do more work? Are our employees happier because of that nifty “Talent Management” project we did? C’mon…
So, here’s a TD tip (remember, we don’t give ‘em out often, because we’re a bunch of TDs, why else?): In case you want to show some value, just start marketing about all those thick volumes of paper waste you’re giving to the client that everyone calls deliverables. Once they see those reams of paper (and if done right, you used their color laser printer and really sunk in the printing costs or worse, you went to Kinko’s to print off the real high-quality shit), they will be as pleased as peas. And you know what that means, right? Party in Dubai!
