Getting Drunk in First Class

Inspire by the last words on Joel Spolsky’s post about incredibly-good-looking management consultants, I thought I would elaborate on what it takes to look like a respectable TD consultant.

1. French Cuffs - This is key to any TD’s wardrobe. It’s what sets the McK’s apart from the ACN’s, the aristocrats from the slobs, the pedigrees from the mutts, the … you get the idea.
   
   If you hired consultants to work for you take a look at their shirt; if they don’t have the French cuffs you need to send ‘em home. If they are wearing a wrinkled polo shirt with their corporate logo plastered on the front you should verbally rape them, whip their nuts with a car antenna, and feed them to a pack of hungry wolves.
   
   As you can see the polo shirt attire is simply unacceptable. If you’re a consultant and you look like this guy, please do us all a favor and jump into a running jet engine the next time you get a chance.
2. Pristine, unwrinkled, nicely pressed pants - You can spot a true TD by how well their pants are pressed. When you walk by them in the first class cabin you will be amazed at the lack of wrinkles on their pants. As any TD knows, its hard to wrinkle a pair of pants when you stretch your legs out on your lie-flat first class seats.
   
   If you wear pleated pants, you’re taking a risk. Generally when somebody mentions pleated pants, images of the stupid looking asshole in a polo shirt are conjured up.
   
   You don’t want to be the “polo shirt” guy; instead aim for something like the dickhead below. You never want to catch yourself wearing pleated khaki’s.
   
   The TD kicked it up a few notches by finishing off his pleated pants with a nice jacket resulting in a very clean, incredibly good look.
3. Slick, clean looking haircut - The haircut is somewhat of a balancing act for the TD; you don’t want to look too trendy and you don’t want to look too dated. More importantly, you don’t want to look like polo shirt douche bag
   
   And of course no article on hairstyles is complete without the token “hillbilly in tux” prom picture.
   
   I will give him some kudos for trying to polish up a bit, but you can’t polish a turd. On the opposite end of the hairstyle spectrum, we have the very trendy hairstyle.
   
   This dew is just a tad over the top.The idea here is to look like a dickhead; not a wimpy rosy-red cheeked frat boy with blonde locks. The ideal TD haircut is one that looks great when wearing a suite. The TD below just wreaks of “I get to sit in first class and you don’t”. This guy can usually be spotted casually strolling from the Red Carpet Club lounge to his confirmed “lie-flat” first class seat to SIN.
   
4. The manager’s jacket - Managers and above always wear the infamous “Manager’s Jacket”.
   
   In this fine example, you will notice the dickhead’s shirt is very wrinkled. This manager employed the classic, “If I put on a jacket, people won’t notice my shirt is wrinkled,” technique. This tactic works well for clients in Bentonville Arkansas, but don’t expect this to fly on a Goldman Sachs project in New York City. Partners generally have a classier looking jacket with a freshly starched shirt.
   
   This partner went the extra mile today and put on a tie. It is highly likely this asshole is on his way to sell a $2mm piece of strategy work to a telecom company in Seattle after he partied all night with three Japanese strippers at a karaoke bar. Also, take notice of the sleek looking hair and the nicely pressed pants. This guy’s butler clearly took some time choosing the proper attire for the occasion.

So next time you show yourself in public at the airport, take into consideration what it takes to look like a true TD. Remember, the client isn’t paying for what you know; they’re paying for your incredibly good looks. Rock on!