Getting Drunk in First Class

After my last trip to Dubai, I really thought I had out-done myself. I literally walked away from the client site and my team on the ground unscathed and managed to have all the fresh ocean breezes flow through my hair sailing mystfully out into the Persian Gulf. All I really needed was my world phone and boom!, I was anywhere, everywhere and nowhere. Really, though, that little jaunt set the stage for me to continue my quest for world exaltation.

My last view, just before I returned to seagull my team

Having to return to the client team the following week left a sour, bitter taste in my mouth. When I approached the team, they were running around like monkeys dropping turds all over the powerpoint deck that I was going to be presenting to the client executive committee. This further annoyed me; I had instructed them to be busting their ass over the weekend on-site at the client, putting their heads together and pulling all-nighters until this thing was finished. What do I do? I throw the entire deck out the window and have them start-over. Fortunately, since I have to be on-site (oh the nerve!) this time, I can make sure it gets done right before the next morning’s meeting. No matter what though, I will be eating my surf and turf come 6 o’clock.

By now, the team hates me. At least there are a couple of cute little senior consultant chicks for me to fondle with in the bathroom and they actually like me. Hell, they think I have a cute ass and that makes me blush. The rest of the team still hates me but… alas, I was not a fool, I made sure to staff up-for-promotion consultants and managers so that no matter how much shit I dump on their faces they still swallow. If not, I will kindly make a few phone calls and stunt their careers forever. I’m such a tease!

The client meeting was a breeze: I walked on water and did my little song and dance. The client executives, in their excited exclamation, sported more wood than a pine tree forest. It was beautiful, like a masterfully composed symphony from the 17th century. I’ll make sure this kind of deal-making makes its way into Harvard’s MBA curriculum. The scene wasn’t too far off from that snappy United Airlines commercial where the businessman heads off into the sunset and meets at a roundtable of other knights. When the big bad fire-breathing dragons attack, the TD is there to defend. Savin’ the fuckin’ day yea!

No dragons here! Just slippin’ ‘em a coupla bucks. Boo ya Jim!

After the meeting, I feel like a young boy after having just blown his first load in life and is now pumped to do it again 1,000,000 more times over the next 70 years. I decide that the team finally needs a break since we’ve just sealed the deal for another major M&A engagement, which also verifies for me that we can now re-use the same qualifications and proposal package at 20 other prospective clients in my prospects list (time to update the sales pipeline numbers!).

I take the team to Peter Luger’s and naturally I run into some of my chums: Howard Rubenstein, Rudy Giulani, and Donald Trump. With all 10 of us at the table, I throw down the AMEX to cover our fresh $7,000 expense, which will go right into the “Client Entertainment and Sales Support” expense code.

Later that night while at PM Lounge, feeling up one of the hot ass senior consultants, I remember that I need to remind the Four Seasons to upgrade me to the Presidential Suite. I need to make sure this is the perfect night. And don’t make me remind you where that expense will go.

Look at all those couches awaiting me and my senior consultant foursome. Maybe I should invite my personal assistant and take her for a ride too.

Someday, maybe you too can be as kick ass as I am. Work hard, play hard, kids!