Getting Drunk in First Class

A few brash, young, Type A consultants (are there any other kind?) sent us a few of their receipts and I’d like to share a couple that we’ve received thus far. We generally reply to any editor submission we receive since billing 60+ client hours per week cannot practically be 60+ actual hours of work so we have the free time for that sort of thing. Free time is being used in a loose sense, of course; suffice it to say that it just means when we aren’t banging out 2×2’s and “nudging” shit around in PowerPoint.

“One of the consultants on my team was rolling off because they sucked ass, but why pass up an opportunity to ring up some bills on someone else’s dime?

After cleaning out the open bar at an all-team meeting that afternoon, we moved onto a favorite local bar for the ‘roll-off party,’ and proceeded to run up the attached tab. The best part is, we frequented the place so much, the bartender didn’t even charge us for about half of what we drank.”

I occasionally worry about some of our young consultants out there. Has anyone ever died from alcohol poisoning on these things? I’ve always wondered but never witnessed it myself. It’s easy to imagine some fresh-off-the-street-mutt analyst getting totally fucked out of his mind and heading to the porcelain god but never returning to the known world. Let us have a moment of silence for the imaginative fallen that I believe may have walked this earth…

Next on our list:

Okay, so this is just teeming with possibilities: Were they eating shit or sushi? And, Whole Foods? I don’t know how long this receipt is or how much but it better be a lot deeper than the $60 shown here. Whatever happened to the classic expense receipts from Craft restaurant at over $200+ per head? I actually owe my project team a solid night out; they have been pulling 4 weekends now on a short, 6-week strategy assessment at a real estate development client (they’re pretty desperate, you know) and I’m fairly certain they’re on the verge of assassinating me (perhaps even expensing the fee to the hitman).

We’re still looking for submissions so if you think you can top some of these (it shouldn’t be that hard, really) then please be sure to forward them on to us (editor@gettingdrunkinfirstclass.com).