Getting Drunk in First Class

By A. Client
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach
with the Partner.
Many scenes from my project flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the crunch times of my project,
when [...]

A few brash, young, Type A consultants (are there any other kind?) sent us a few of their receipts and I’d like to share a couple that we’ve received thus far. We generally reply to any editor submission we receive since billing 60+ client hours per week cannot practically be 60+ actual hours of work [...]

I, for one, enjoy blue sky thinking sessions. My clients are frequently mystified by the activity.
Creating a flashy deck is not all that blue sky thinking is about, of course. With my 3 months, 4 days, 5 hours, and 22 minutes of expertise in the women’s hosiery industry, I most certainly make diligent use of [...]

After my last trip to Dubai, I really thought I had out-done myself. I literally walked away from the client site and my team on the ground unscathed and managed to have all the fresh ocean breezes flow through my hair sailing mystfully out into the Persian Gulf. All I really needed was my world [...]

Monday Morning Commute
7AM - Driver calls from downstairs
7:40AM - Car arrives at ORD ($50)
7:42AM - Call travel agent to purchase ticket after realizing don’t have one ($600)
7:45AM - Enter 1K/TD security line as amateur travelers are turned away
7:47AM push two amateur travelers out of the way on the people-mover (no status losers)
7:50AM - Overpriced coffee [...]

Its bound to happen sooner or later; whether after coming back late from the gym or after being stuck in the office, you decide to break out your Razr phone and order carry-out from the usual Italian joint just to find yourself face to face with some smart-ass punk kid who thinks he is god. [...]

Ode to the joys of roll-off parties. Any TD knows there are a number of things to consider when mind-mapping up grandiose thoughts of these wonderful money-is-no-object events:

Large engagements allow for a great many roll-off (and often roll-on) parties. One of the most important aspects of a roll-off party is getting it pre-approved. This is [...]

Here is your typical after-work exchange between your 3-piecer and his client.
Consultant: You want answers?
Client: I think I’m entitled to them.
Consultant: You want answers?
Client: I want the truth!
Consultant: You can’t handle the truth! Sir, we live in a world that has problems. And those problems have to be solved by consultants. Who’s gonna do it? [...]

When most people here the words “Booze Cruise” images of spring break seem to come back, but when you say it to a consultant, images of getting upgaded to first class on the way back from the client site probably come to mind.
Ah yes, the booze cruise. There’s nothing quite like it. You’re done working [...]