Getting Drunk in First Class

We ran across this little honey from a fellow GDiFCer:

I’ll bet that pig was delicious! But where is the cowpigturducken at? God knows how long this receipt was, but I hear it was about 4 feet long. Surely somebody has a receipt that at least rivals the length of Bubble Tape; 6 feet of gum!

Send [...]

June 9, 2007
Dear Clients of GDiFC.com:
Hey, those shoes are quite sharp, do you mind if I ask where you found them?
It has come to our attention that you may be pushing back on recent cyclic production output patterns and/or rightsizing efforts experienced on GDiFC. As Jack teaches, let us be candid: the authors were experiencing [...]

FACT: When a Ted jet lifts off, the runway has an orgasm thinking about all those passengers simultaneously getting fucked.
I flew Ted recently. With no first class section, Ted is a sorry joke, a sort of place where former Southwest cult members find gainful employment if they lose their spirit to live.  It is a known quirk [...]

Many beginning consultants — especially those recently graduated from top economics, math, and engineering programs — do not know how to effectively guide clients using statistics. They have read Kotter, Tufte, Block, Minto, and Porter, but few have read Huff’s timeless 1954 classic, How to Lie With Statistics.  A beginning playbook might read as follows.

Omit [...]

Remember the good ol’ days of air travel when everybody got to be a TD?

Sure, it’s not lie-flat first class seating but having a friendship lounge in economy class beats most lounge options available on today’s airlines, assuming they have a lounge! Deregulation really screwed things up for us TDs wouldn’t you say?
Today you’re lucky [...]

FC_Consultant posted a comment in our Consultantese section of a fine example of consulting bullshit that is regularly spewed out by consultants. We felt compelled this fine piece of work into English.
STATEMENT OF WORK
TITLE: Transparency Initiative Support for Collaborative Relations Efforts
PURPOSE: The purpose of this task order is to provide policy analysis and assessment, and [...]

Looks like one of our friends was subtly objecting to flying on a regional jet with the seatbelt sign on by taking a piss in the airline’s barf bag.
SkyWest Airlines apologized to a passenger who said he wasn’t allowed to use the restroom during a one-hour flight and ended up urinating in an air-sickness bag.
When [...]

Welcome to the blog, mensamember. Thanks, thanks - great to be here.
The perfect consultant has no clients. You probably assume this is because I love being on the bench, drunk/salaried on a Tuesday afternoon at home by myself. Nay. The perfect consultant has no clients because clients are, by definition, stupid. Try to keep up: If clients [...]

Getting Drunk in First Class has been running for over a year now. Granted, we’ve been getting drunk in first class for far longer than that but as with any sort of anniversary, its important to do a little reflecting and see what has happened in the past year.
On that note, we’ve rounded up the [...]

Like any good TD consultant, I always have my goods hanging out for the world to see. No, I’m not talking about my Johnson, I’m talking about my rez’. Every head hunter in town has got a copy of my resume and is whoring it out to the next highest bidder.
When I sat down and [...]