Getting Drunk in First Class

Like any good TD consultant, I always have my goods hanging out for the world to see. No, I’m not talking about my Johnson, I’m talking about my rez’. Every head hunter in town has got a copy of my resume and is whoring it out to the next highest bidder.
When I sat down and [...]

8:45 AM -Nudge hot Analyst # 1 and send her back to her room
9 AM – Roll out of bed (suite, high floor, extra feather pillows, WSJ) ($900 -week)
9:30AM - Head to the Elite Lounge for complimentary TD breakfast; complete with Grey Goose Bloody Mary to wash down the martinis from the bar the night before.
10 AM [...]

It’s hard being a total dickhead consultant, what with all the hopping around the globe in first class lie flats, constantly eating $150 a plate dinners, staying in 4-star hotels in all the world’s major cities and reveling in the fact that you’re never paying a penny for it. It is also tough to be [...]

TD consultants deal in huge volumes of bullshit. I suppose that’s why every one of us spends our first day on the job dreaming of first class junkets to Mumbai while a parade of IT and HR leeches quotes company policy at us. By drilling an incomprehensible load of crap into your skull, they quickly [...]

Monday Morning Commute
7AM - Driver calls from downstairs
7:40AM - Car arrives at ORD ($50)
7:42AM - Call travel agent to purchase ticket after realizing don’t have one ($600)
7:45AM - Enter 1K/TD security line as amateur travelers are turned away
7:47AM push two amateur travelers out of the way on the people-mover (no status losers)
7:50AM - Overpriced coffee [...]

Has this topic been covered to death by my co-conspirators? Yes, but that’s not going to stop me from posting about it all the while charging the client $300/hr. for my services to do so. It’s Friday what the fuck else am I going to do, happy hour doesn’t start for another 4hrs. As a [...]

It’s a Wednesday morning at 8 AM. I’m up and I quickly throw on my suit and get to the client’s offices downtown, red eyes and all. I check on my team, sit in on the status meeting, throw a few crumb cakes around for being late, generally cause a ruckus for the entire team [...]

We got tired of typing in gettingdrunkinfirstclass.com to read our own consulting bullshit; so we registered gdifc.com to save our little fingers from hours of typing. You can now user either URL but gdifc.com will now redirect to gettingdrunkinfirstclass.com.
Enjoy!

Joel Spolsky reclaims his accounts with a management consultant from a high-end consultancy.
A management consultant [...] wrote me a nice email, that included the following sentence:
Our team is conducting a benchmarking effort to gather an outside-in view on development performance metrics and best practice approaches to issues of process and organization from companies involved in [...]

What do consultants and kindergartners have in common? Quite a bit actually, with one exception; kindergartners are probably more well behaved than the Total Dickheaded consultant. Lets take a look.

Cutter! - Consultants usually show up to the gate early so that they can lean up against their Tumi bags with a Bluetooth headset stuck in [...]