Getting Drunk in First Class
Crushing the $5.15 Asshole
I remember when I first started in consulting. My Firm was a large firm, very prestigious, and all of us were together in our ’start group’ with sparkles in our eyes, and our Type A engines all fired up. We thought we were the shit and that we were gonna be telling helpless, desperate executives at Fortune 500 companies what to do. Not only that but we would be doing it in style, traveling around the world racking up frequent flier miles, hotel points, credit card points, and expensing every meal and drink, enjoying every bit of it. We also believed we’d have something referred to as ‘work-life’ balance but we all basically disregarded that because what does a 22-year old care about work-life balance?
Well, or so we thought… It’s a shame how easily the college crowd, even the Ivy League college crowd, will drink a bunch of firm HR kool-aid handed out by the gallon from handsome and well-dressed recruiters, many of whom were often actual consultants from the firm. It made the whole experience seem even more ‘real’ like we were ‘important enough’ to be evaluated and interviewed by Partners and Senior Managers (little did we know until later how low on the totem pole a single, individual partner actually is).
However, everything the recruiters said turned out to be true; Most of it, anyways. It was true in the sense that it was only partially true. Here’s a run down of some of the blabbing from recruiters’ mouths that all seem to be missing the fine print:
“Yes, we send our analysts back to business school and reimburse tuition.”
Kind of, only certain schools and if you’re accepted into the graduate program offered by the firm and then of course by the specific school. Oh, and tuition may not be paid for up-front. You’ll get it when you return to the firm after you get your MBA. Oh, and also, the reimbursement is considered taxable income. Sorry, we forgot to mention that….
“There is plenty of opportunity for international assignments.”
Yea, a few years ago. Unless you have a uniquely valuable language skill or extremely valuable or unique industry or specialized skill that is in high-demand abroad, forget it. You might have a chance if you’re a top, top, top performer even without the first two things but otherwise, enjoy your project in Bentonville, Arkansas. It also helps if you sleep with a partner who does international work and likes you.
“You will be out in front of CxO’s.”
Yea, out in front and out of sight. This will happen only on certain kinds of engagements and also is dependent on the particular client and the size of engagement, and, only if project leadership lets you. A few get lucky and get to stand and deliver in front of executives but generally, that role is left to the Senior Managers or the Partners, particularly on larger engagements. So… sort of… kinda… true… some of the time, occasionally.
“The travel schedule is Monday through Thursday, Friday in the office or even from home!”
Yea… right. Try that when you’re on a local project. Or, worse, when you’re stuck in Bentonville, Arkansas and the project has mandated 5-day travel schedules. So much for firm ‘policy’ since project policy always seems to trump everything.
“Our clients bring us in to solve interesting and challenging problems.”
Sorry, working on SOX problems or “process re-engineering” or installing SAP/JD Edwards/
“You’ll learn faster here than anywhere else.”
They tell you this but it’s simply not true. You can quickly learn a lot anywhere if you’re smart and driven. Being in consulting is not an automatic ticket to ‘learn faster’ than anywhere else. This is a total sham, don’t believe it.
“Lots of opportunity to try new industries and skills.”
Bzzzzzztttt!! Think carefully about where a firm decides to “place you” upon being hired. Usually, that drives almost everything else and trying to swing the momentum away ex-post-facto is costly, both from a “networking” perspective but also just an internal HR and organizational struggle to switch industry verticals or practice areas. Usually what happens is, if you do good work and a partner likes you, they’ll try their damnedest to bring you everywhere they go. Unless you really like that partner and the specific kind of work he or she does, you’re going to have a tough time breaking away unless you burn a bridge. In general, while you can easily work in many different industries in the beginning of your career, it becomes more difficult later on.
Lastly, while not exactly a promise to you, the candidate, about all the incredible, amazing, wonderful opportunities available to you if you’re hired, one of my favorite “sell points” of the whole firm is the following diagram (and almost every firm has one just like it, just different colors and names):
Each of the dots on the left and the right are your firm’s competitors. It’s just funny that each of them use this same damn diagram and they all place themselves in the middle. Every firm likes to think they’re capable of competing with just about anyone to do just about anything. Don’t swallow this load without a reliable dental dam.
Am I just jaded? I get closer to quitting the firm everyday. Sometimes, though, I’ll read a ridiculous rant or tirade on this blog from the likes of totaldickhead and strangely, it compels me to stay put. Maybe I’m just a depressing lush who loves first class travel… maybe.
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